Letters to the Editor
by SerenNoir
Summary: What if the cast of Naruto got ahold of Masashi Kishimoto's email? What are their real thoughts on the show? A place to vent.
1. Chapter 1: Naruto Uzumaki

**Author's Note: This story came threw itself at me at random. What are the real perspectives of the characters concerning their personality, wardrobe and placement on the show?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor do I own Masashi Kishimoto's email so no one PM me demanding to know it. I think he did and excellent job on the charcters, even if some seem a little static, and in no way do I think he needs to change them. This fic is to provide humorous entertainment, nothing more.**

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**Chapter 1 : Naruto Uzumaki**

**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Naruto Uzumaki**

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Orange? Why orange? Wouldn't it be more sensible for me to wear something that would blend in with my surroundings? Being a ninja in all. It's just a suggestion but perhaps camouflage would work better.

Hell, Kakashi gets to wear green and guess what? He blends in!

And why, dear god why, do I keep saying 'Believe it'? Yes, I realize that 'ttebayo' is added to nearly everything I say in the original version and the English dub decided that "Believe it" was the closest meaning to that word but it only works every so often, not ALL the time.

For example: _"I enjoy stuffing my face full of ramen. Believe it!"_ or _"There was something strange in my toilet this morning. Believe it!"_

See? It makes no sense whatsoever and also makes me sound extremely juvenile, which I guess is what you've decided I needed to be in this series.

And that little string thingy on my arm. What the hell is that?

It serves no purpose and I actually manage to smack myself in the face with it a few times during sparring.

I also wonder why you made me eyes all squinty-like, like what you do when you stare into the sun. Everytime they go all squinty, it looks like I got kicked in my men very hard recently. Foxes don't squint; what the hell is wrong with you?

With appreciation,

Uzumaki, Naruto

P.S. Before I came a Genin, my goggles that I wore made my ears stick out. Can you say Dumbo?


	2. Chapter 2: Sasuke Uchiha

**Chapter 2: Sasuke Uchiha**

**Comments: The next few chapters may take awhile in coming because I'm currently in a moving situation and the place I'm going to be living has no computer! Either until my Dad buys me the computer he promised or I stay the night with a friend the chapters aren't going to be put up like they usually do.**

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**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Sasuke Uchiha**

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Naruto gave me this address so I thought it would do well to bring to your attention about some really important...stuff about my character. Let's start off with Orochimaru. If anyone would have forewarned me that snake-man wanted me for only my body and I would be in fear of molestation, do you really think I would go skipping la-dee-da off to him?

Ummm...no.

I like how you made me this self-centered, emotion deprived avenger hell-bent on destroying my brother. It was real courteous of you. If you didn't catch that, that was sarcasm.

Yet I have a fanclub. Ironic, isn't it?

I don't even like girls. _cough_ I like guys. I like a guy. In fact, the guy. With his blond hair and mezmerizing cobalt eyes... _cough_

Bringing us back to the main point...my hair!

Am I cross-breed of a chicken's ass and a cockatiel? I realize alot of people on the show have unusual hair but mine is so...there...and pointy.

Wasn't there another way to put Orochimaru's curse seal on my neck without him turning all psuedo-vampire and drooling his nasty old-man spit all over my collarbone?

Also during my transformation to that bird from the 9th layer of Heck, I noticed you made my lips into those of a woman. They were all big and shiny! Did you put lip-gloss on me? And what the fuck was up with the giant X on my nose?

You disgust me,

Uchiha Sasuke

P.S. Oh, and if you tell Naruto about what I said concerning him, I will personally see to it that you never be able to write and/or draw again. We clear?


	3. Chapter 3: Sabaku no Gaara

**Chapter 3: Sabaku no Gaara**

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**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Sabaku no Gaara**

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First, I must congratulate you on making me one of the "badass" characters. But we end up paying a price for being this way. Almost all of the guys have fangirls and/or a romantic love interest.

Where's the love for the evil people? Don't I deserve love?

On top of that I have serious emotional problems. I can accept you for killing off my mother but can't I be on of those avenger types--like Sasuke, for example. That way I don't go around annhilating everyone on God's green earth, not that I have problem with it, but still. It's the concept of the whole thing.

I'm going to have serious back problems because of you. Were you messed up on acid when you decided to put the beach on my back? Do you realize just how fucking heavy that gourd is? And God forbid, it rains.

I "body flicker" myself everywhere cause it's physically impossible for me to travel long distances, more or less, run.

Hell, I'm 4'10" and weigh 86 lbs., cut me some slack!

And just where exactly are my goddamn eyebrows!?

Both my siblings have eyebrows, my mother does, too. Hell, even that bastard-in-training father of mine does. It's not fair. That Rock Lee gets too much eyebrows and I get squat!

Now I have to go email the manager of the food on the show. I don't remember how many times I've told him to make my favorite food chocolate chip cookies. It'll also give me a chance to tell him where to stick that salted tongue and gizzard of his.

Wondering if I'm a natural redhead,

Sabaku no Gaara

P.S. Lighten up on the eyeliner during makeup. People are beginning to call me emo.

What the hell is emo?


	4. Chapter 4: Deidara

**Chapter 4: Deidara**

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**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Deidara**

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I found this in Sasori-danna's pocket when he died and decided to find out about the joys of technology.

1. My Appearance:

Would you please make up your mind about my gender! Am I a boy or am I a girl? Decide already! Why give me feminine features _and_ a deep masculine voice? You would not believe the stares I get when I shop in the men's department. And now with my new partner Tobi drooling over me like a goddamned horny dog, I can barely stand it!!

2. My Choice of Words:

How are you today, un? Would you like fries with that, un? My grandmother got hit by a car then rabid llamas devoured her carcass, un. I drive a lime green Porsche, un. Un. Un. Un. Un. Un! Un! UN! _UN!_

See how annoying it gets.

3. THE HANDS:

Simple things. To me these things bode ill for me for I find myself unable to do them **because of my hands! **I know, I know. Other members of the Akatsuki have equally weird appendages, take Zetsu for example, but really, there are real-live mouths with razor-sharp fucking teeth implanted on the palms of my hands! I spend roughly an hour each morning brushing each set of teeth alone! I have to be careful when I eat because one slip of the fingers and my chopsticks are shoved halfway down my hand-throat and then my mouths begin to gag and let's just say it's not a pretty sight.

Sincerely yours,

Deidara

P. S. Art is a bang!?

Thought that one up all on your lonesome, didn't you?


	5. Chapter 5: Kakashi Hatake

**Chapter Five: Hatake Kakashi**

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**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Hatake Kakashi**

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I was snooping through Naruto's room and found this and I would like to discuss some key things with you.

I must admit even though my mask is really cool and mysterious it makes every-day things really hard to do. Eating, drinking, coughing, sneezing, kissing, vomiting, licking stamps…just to name a few.

I've also noticed I have the biggest ass for a skinny person ever! It's so there, so bulbous. And at times, there seems to be a lot of close-up shots of it. Don't tell anyone I told you this but I think the cameraman might like me…in that way.

And my hair…don't get me started. It's like some crazy anti-gravity defying-laws-of-nature shit!! And the flip thing…enough said.

Also...my left eye. It's kinda creepy when you think about it, the process of transplanting Obito's eye into my eye socket without being creeped out and throwing up. Added with the whole "about to be buried in a colossal amount of rocks", you'd think that Rin would mess up? Yep. Thank heavens that she didn't mess up, but if we had the time to do that, shouldn't we ALSO have the time to, you know, dig out poor Obito from beneath giant boulder? (courtesy of Blue Fire Mustang)

But what irks me the most are my lame-ass excuses I say when I'm late. Why can't I ever say, _"I slept in to avoid spending a lovely morning with you annoying brats."_

It would be more truthful that way because I don't like to lie. But honestly, who wants to spend the day with a hyperactive blond with ADD, a Jr. Bitch-in-training, and the Grammy Award-winner for "Best Emo."

**Mask of Mirage**


	6. Chapter 6: Akasuna no Sasori

**Chapter 6: Akasuna no Sasori**

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**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Akasuna no Sasori**

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Hello, I'm Sasori and you killed me off. -insert wild applause-

We need to talk. About me of course. First on the agenda is my body. When you say I turned my entire body, excluding my heart, into a marionette did you mean…my _entire_ body? Is the thing that makes me undoubtedly male wooden also? Please say no. Because I think that would have been a rather awkward, painful thing to put yourself through, don't you think?

Second is the fact that I am sooo old but look so young, like early 20's young. Frankly, it's false advertising, sir, and fan girls hearts will be broken when they find out I'm pushing 50.

Third, and probably most pressing. WHY AM I SO WEAK?! I'm supposed to be one of the strongest members (besides Deidara, Leader-Pein-sama, Zetsu, Hidan, Kakuza, Itachi, Kisame, Tobi, Konan…wait damn, that's everyone) of Akatsuki and I got BEAT by Sakura and my **grandmother!**

Not only does it make Akatsuki look bad, it's an enormous blow to my ego.

Unhappy with his wooden "toy",

Akasuna no Sasori


	7. Chapter 7: Itachi Uchiha

**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Uchiha Itachi**

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I killed my entire clan because…I wanted to see if I could? What the fuck is wrong with you? Is this your way of taking out your anger at your own parents when they wouldn't let you go to that party when you were young?

You have some issues. You couldn't even give me a half-ass reason why I slaughtered my family.

Why do I have lines under my face? I look like that dog Droopy from the old cartoons. Either I need to get some more sleep or you buy me some damn eye cream.

Also, about my sensitive eyes. I have to recharge them from time to time? I'm like a frickin' battery! I don't see Sasuke, Kakashi, or Obito having to recharge their damn eyes.

You've also made me too 'close' with my partner Kisame. Fan girls (and some guys) have begun to suspect that me and him have something going on between us…which we don't!

Can you imagine? Besides he smells like dead fish.

Going to show you the true meaning of Tsukiyomi,

Itachi


	8. Chapter 8: Haruno Sakura

**Chapter 8: Haruno Sakura**

**Comments: I detestesd Sakura all during the normal Naruto series. Seriously. I began to warm up to her during Shippuuden and since then she's up there with my being one of my favorite characters. I just really can't stand whiny damsel-in-distress characters, like she was before she manned-up.**

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**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Haruno Sakura**

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My hair is pink.

Did you know that? At first, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me but no, my hair is really pink. I look like a fucking extra for a Muppets episode! Tracking me in the forest isn't so hard. Just look for the bobbing pink thing! -manic laughter- I'm better suited for Sesame Street.

Sasuke-kun. Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke. You know what! I don't even fucking like Sasuke! The boy has too many unresolved issues and besides I have reason to believe he's gay. Now Neji, there's a boy to have a crush on! -swoons-

And explain my sudden dislike of Ino. Our mutual interest in Sasuke is too vague and leaves too many gaps. Ino was the only one to befriend me, despite my large forehead (which is a story for a different time), and I dump her as soon as we have something in common! -confused look- Maybe you're the one with the crush on Sasuke.

Sincerely,

Haruno Sakura


	9. Chapter 9: Orochimaru

**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Orochimaru**

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I want your body.

Are you scared yet? You should be, you sick freak.

I congratulate you on making me the Michael Jackson of the ninja world. When you make me say, _"I want Sasuke's body,"_ it doesn't sound like I need it for jutsu purposes but rather I want to jump his bones.

-sob- I'm a pedophile with a shouta complex!

But the thing that bugs me the most, and I'm sure it disturbs others as well, is my ridiculously long tongue. It reminds me of Bubble Tape-- six feet of fun! How do I keep that, the sword, and the snake in my mouth without choking on the shit? And using it as an extra arm is sick, dude!

I left Konohagakure…because I was jealous that…Yondaime got Hokage instead of me? And yet, I leave to join Akatsuki where I'm once again a minion working under someone else.

Oh, the irony. You really hate me, don't you?


	10. Chapter 10: Sai Sai

**Chapter 10: Sai-Sai**

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**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Sai**

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Explain my hang-up on penises? And more importantly, why am I always asking about Naruto's penis? Am I some sort of closet homosexual with a phallus fetish? Yeah, they're great, so what? I should know, I have one. Surely, Naruto has one as well; he doesn't resemble a chick, I think.

Oh you crack me up with my clothing! A belly shirt? Do I have an attractive navel, or something? You can't begin to imagine the stares I get. From both sexes!

_"Look, there goes Sai, our neighborhood man-whore with the sexy as hell belly button."_

Or maybe, you're just showing off my toned, washboard abs.

But I have to give credit where credit is due. Excellent job on my nicknames for people. But Ino…beautiful? Dude, whatever you're taking, I want some. Yeah, she's gorgeous but she's a bigger slut than I am.

Only charges 8.95,

Sai

P.S. I am a unholy kind of white. And I have a strange purplish tint to my skin; am I some sort of vampire?


	11. Chapter 11: Maito Gai

**Chapter 11: Maito Gai**

**Comments: There are TONS of things to do on Gai so I picked the very best to complain about.**

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**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Maito Gai **

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I must be living in poverty to not be able to afford a decent barber. Poor little ole me has to slap a bowl over my head and trim it myself. And the perpetual shine? What's up with that? It gives the impression that my hair is greasy or oily. Very…icky.

And the spandex…sweet Mary, mother of god, the spandex. Have you noticed, on me especially, what spandex does to uh...erm…a well-endowed male? It looks like I'm smuggling fruit in my pants, for Christ's sake!

Bloom of youth? Dear god, man, I don't know about you, but my adolescence sucked. Great hairy monkey balls. Gravelly voice that squeaked and cut out. Giant Milky Ways of pimples and zits. Hair growing in places where there was NEVER hair before. I HATED my teenage years.

And last but certainly not least, the shine job on my teeth. Did I make a secret pact with my dentist or something? My top-secret ninja technique is to what…smile? It's like looking into the sun. One glance and you're temporarily blind.

**Mask of Mirage**


	12. Chapter 12: Neji Hyuuga

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Comments: I will not be surprised if I get sued over this fic. Either Kishi-sama is cracking up over my lame excuse for a parody or he's calling his lawyer. But I will continue! Even as they're dragging me out of the house! This is dedicated to

**Angelsmiles**** since she left such a nice review and wanted me to do Neji next. **

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**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Hyuuga Neji**

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Aside from Sasuke, you have made me the very epitome of emo. Constantly complaining about my rank in the clan and pre-set destiny. Puh-leez! I am almost 16 years old not out of the crib. No self-respecting ninja, or teenage male, would whine and complain like that.

Tell me, what ninja can move gracefully and effortlessly, without breaking a sweat, when sparring with HAIR THAT SWEEPS THEIR BUTTCRACK!? Other than myself, of course. And the silky shine. Ooh-la-la. You've made me emo AND a transsexual. Bravo!

-claps hands-

And as a last request, you need to buy some anti-aging wrinkle fighter cream for us Hyuugas. Someone failed to mention we would look 80! when we activated Byakuugan. I heard Avon has some pretty good stuff.

With the utmost respect (note the sarcasm),

Hyuuga Neji


	13. Chapter 13: Hoshigaki Kisame

**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Hoshigaki Kisame**

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Some idiot took the term 'demon-fish' a little too far, don't you think? Haha, joke's on me. Who, on this green earth, has naturally blue skin? Unless they fell onto a damn vat of blue food coloring!

And I bet, on Itachi's life cause I can do that, if Sasuke blew his fire crap at someone, everyone would go,_ 'Oh, look, Sasuke used his Fireball Jutsu,'_ but if he blew it at me,_ 'Oh, look, fish sticks, anyone?'_

And the gills. Someone kill me now. What is up with the gills? Clearly, I don't die when I come onto land so obviously I have lungs. So explain the use of the gills, other than to make me ultimately unattractive. Because you did a marvelous job at that. An altogether craptastic job!

Everyone's else's theme songs could be so cool. What do I got? The Jaws theme!

Thinking about taking a meat cleaver to you,

Hoshigaki Kisame


	14. Chapter 14: Tobi

**Author's Note: I had a request for Tobi and went ahead and did it. Talk about some major brain farts! I was racking my brain, trying to come up with things that Tobi would complain about and I was getting positively nowhere. Finally,**_** finally,**_** I came up with a few things and I really hope they're good enough. **

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**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Tobi**

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Tobi is a good boy. Tobi is a good boy. Tobi is a good boy!

Tobi is fucking member of the Akatsuki; therefore, Tobi is NOT a good boy!

What self-respecting cold-blooded murderer refers to themselves in the third person anyway?

Come now.

I may be young but do you really think the most evil organization in existence would accept someone as annoying and childish as me?

No wonder Deidara-sempai assigns me a cause of death all the time.

And crying out for him when I thought he died. How pathetic. One would think I was gay for my teammate.

Sincerely,

Tobi.

**Mask of Mirage**


	15. Chapter 15: Rock Lee

**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Rock Lee**

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Breaking news alert! The Leaf Village's handsome green devil is quite irritated with you.

Have you noticed that I bear a striking resemblance to Elmo from Sesame Street? In a dark alley, I don't believe you could tell us apart.

The eyebrows…

Okay, I'm going to keep this short and sweet.

It looks like two great, fuzzy caterpillars were running across a beach at sunset, got stuck in the vast expanse of sand that is my forehead and said, _'To hell with it, I'll_ _just stay here.'_

Me and Gai-sensei are **way **too close for comfort. It's crossed the line of disturbing.


	16. Chapter 16: Zetsu san

**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Zetsu**

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Where in Wal-Mart did you pick me up because they don't seem to sell VENUS FLY-TRAPS!

You would not believe the number of seedlings that come up to me chanting, _'Papa, Papa,'. _Every time I'm walking through the forest, I'm stopping and yelling at them to leave me alone, I'm not their goddamn Papa!

Yes, I realize plants can't talk but apparently, haha, I'm crazy!

I am the perfect poster boy for all the schizos out there. I talk to myself, argue with myself, and have a split-personality, to boot.

But you, you've, taken it too far…

Cannibalism?

Dude, that's sick. I DO NOT refer to human beings as the 'other' other white meat. I'm never going to get a girl.

Frankly, I'm an attractive young man behind my petal/jaw things but you've ruined any chance of a love-life for me.

One last question: How often do I have to be watered?

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**Author's Note: Ha, a plant scorned equals a plant revenge! I'm not entirely sane today.**

**Mask of Mirage**


	17. Chapter 17: Jiraiya

**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Jiraiya**

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I'm not a little pervert, I'm a big one?

How in the hell did you come up with that? Do you realize how terrible that sounds? You might as well tattoo into my forehead the words:

**I'm a pervert. I like your breasts.**

Go around town and find any fluke and ask her who was the last guy she slept with and I bet you my name will pop up somewhere. I guaran-damn-tee that!

I am 50+ years old; I do not need to be chasing around twenty-something's. Not only is it bad for my aging health but I have no business!

I summon…toads?

I'm surprised I'm not covered in warts of some kind. All hail Jiraiya, the all-mighty Toad Sage! I sound like I'm auditioning for the role of some cheesy fast-food mascot. Hear, hear!

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**A/N: Hah, I'm a proud native of Texas so forgive my accent; I can't help it. XD Also, in most of the reviews people keep calling me man or dude. I realize that they don't really mean it in the sense of that I'm a guy, or maybe they do. I don't know, but I do know that in no way I am a male. -looks down at chest- Yea, pretty sure I'm not a guy. **


	18. Chapter 18: Hyuuga Hinata

**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Hyuuga Hinata**

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Na…nar…ru…to-kun.

Jeez, he's a sweet boy and all but he is so freaking dense. I'd have better luck professing my undying love to Shino…or a tree, for that matter.

And he so clearly has a crush on his teammate, Sakura. Yes, a tree would be more receptive.

And the deal with Neji and our family.

If the Jounin hadn't stopped our match, he would have killed me. As in I would be a dead corpse pushing up daisies and making friends with the worms.

Usually, in most families, if one tries to kill their cousin, and almost succeeds, severe repercussions would come into play.

Hmm, interesting. You sure do have a funny mind.

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**Author's Note: I seem to have lost mine…**


	19. Chapter 19: Yamanaka Ino

-1**Author's Note: Well, I didn't want to tell you guys but I was about ready to give up on this fic. The funny wasn't coming as easy as it was when I started out and it was making me **_**very**_** frustrated. Even with the help of (will forever be in your debt) Exploded Toilet Bowl, I still couldn't track my funny bone. Anywhere. But last night, I sat down and picked someone and went with it. I hope it's better than previous chapters and it satisfies all who wanted a good laugh. If it doesn't I may think of taking a break from this and work on something else.**

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**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Yamanaka Ino**

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Let's talk about my uniform.

Pre-timeskip I had the bandages covering most of the places that you had to use your imagination. And let's face it, I was 12 years old then. I didn't have certain 'assets' that I do now.

Now post-timeskip, the bandages are gone. Along with my sense of modesty and propriety. I mean, one good, hard sneeze and the surprise is out. Literally. If I was a Crackerjack box, I'd be the kind where you didn't have to dig very far for the prize.

So, I thank you for getting my clothes at Whores R Us.

Either you're not very fond of me or I just really suck at being a ninja. The only technique you've shown is my Mind Transfer Jutsu and come on, I can get killed while using that thing. What good is it going to do me if I'm in somebody's head and they're laughing their ass off while one of their buddies is kicking around my dead corpse?

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**Author's Note: Didn't want to delve into the whole Sasuke/Sakura/Ino triangle since I did that with Sakura's. I'm also aware that Ino probably had more jutsus than that one but usually when she's on an episode it's the ones I tend not to watch.**

**Mask of Mirage**


	20. Chapter 20: Akimichi Choji

**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Akimichi Choji**

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Ninja's are supposed to be fit and stealthy.

Ninja's are not supposed to consume half their body weight in barbecue-flavored chips!

How am I supposed to hide from dangerous nin when all they have to do is to follow the sound of a crackling chip bag?

I am the perfect poster boy for every horror-related Hansel and Gretel re-make; all they have to do is follow the trail of crumbs!

You wanted to be a superhero when you were growing up, didn't you? Why else would I have a scarf around my neck and a pair of underwear on my head.

Dun Duna Dun! Have no fear! Underwear Man is here. Fighting away evil with my elastic waistband of justice! And meet my partner: Jockstrap Boy!

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**Author's Note: Ahem -cough- Note to self: Don't write fanfics at three in the morning. Elastic waistband of justice. -beats self in head- Where the hell did that come from?**


	21. Chapter 21: Breaking News Alert

**Author's Note: I don't really know why this chapter exists. I just thought it would be funny to see Kishi-san's reaction if he went insane.**

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_**Breaking News Alert!!**_

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We've just got information that famous manga-writer Masashi Kishimoto has seemingly barricaded himself in his home and is refusing to come out.

He claims that over the past month and a half, the majority of his created characters from the hit anime and manga,_ Naruto_, have come to life and have been sending him hate mail. Kishimoto-san's sanity has been taken into question; although, his doctor nor his lawyer will offer us any details on the situation.

Okay, we've just received a live report from our on-scene action reporter that Kishimoto-san has opened his second-story balcony window and is coming out.

Let's go there now.

Apparently, as you can see, he has gathered all his Naruto merchandise, unfinished manga included, and is throwing them into the street, all the while shouting,

"_I can't take this anymore. I give up. I do not like Sasuke!"_

Ever-loyal fan girls are scrambling and clawing at each other to get at the items in question. It is becoming hectic out there.

This is Channel 54 new, stay tuned for more updates.

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**Author's Note: Oh, the joys of insanity are numberless.**

**Mask of Mirage**


	22. Chapter 22: Sabaku no Temari

**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Sabaku no Temari**

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You must really have it out for us Sand sibs?

All three of us are going to have goddamned hunched backs when we get older.

Gaara carries the gourd that threatens to make Gaara pancake each step he takes.

Kankuro carries around that blasted puppet of his, numerous sharp and poisonous blades hidden within.

And I lug around the mother of all fans.

So, in the future, if three decrepit old people show up at your door and the first thing you see is our backs, even though we're standing upright, you'll know who's come for you.

And we won't be sweet.

-evil grin-

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**Author's Note: Really short and not as good as my previous ones but Temari was fairly hard to do. I may go back and edit later. -pouts- You try to pull shit out of your ass and, at the same time, convince someone it's humorous! Not as easy as it may seem. Yum, Gaara pancake…**

**Mask of Mirage**


	23. Chapter 23: Inuzuka Kiba

**Author's Notes: This was written while I was sick so I apologize for my train of logic and if it doesn't quite make sense. Sadly, and I know you will all hate me, this is the last chapter of Letters to the Editor. Reason being: I'm running out of people to do and I can't seem to get 'funny' to come to me as easy. Looking back, the first few chapters were the brains and then it crapped out around the middle, picked up a bit and, alas, I've stumbled into a roadblock. I would like to thank all those who reviewed and put me on alert and I'm truly, truly sorry for disappointing you.**

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**To: Masashi Kishimoto**

**From: Inuzuka Kiba**

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Have you ever tried sniffing someone's ass in lieu of a greeting? Along with a nose-full of god-knows-what odor, it's also downright embarrassing! But people seem to think, thanks to you, since I'm from the Inuzuka clan instead of just shaking my hand in the polite _human _way they'd rather throw their ass up in the air upon meeting me.

Last time I checked; although I have certain qualities as my canine friend, I, in no way, shape or form, look like a dog. I piss in a _toilet_ just like the rest of the human population.

I don't sleep in a doghouse, chew on old tennis balls or lick my own butt. There are no pin-ups of poodles of the female nature tacked up on my walls. Though there are females of another kind…

-wink-

And I'd rather much eat people food over dry dog food any day. Kibbles n Bits got nothing over prime rib.

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**Ending Note:**

**Warning: Spoilers Ahead**

**Slowly, but surely, I'm plowing my way through the manga; heh, just like me to watch the anime, _then_ read the manga.**

**Anyway, upon seeing Ch. 347 p.10 (for those who've seen, you know) I was left in a state of paralyzed yaoi shock and a puddle of blood up to my neck. That day I decided I would read the manga more often. Then, if things could get any worse, or in my case better, I witnessed the form of a fully naked Suigetsu. And I mean fully. Now if only it would be Naruto or Gaara… I turned the page, giggled, poked the screen and said none-too-softly, "Hehe, I see an ass."**

**Oh yea, it's about time Kishi-sama just came out of the closet…**


End file.
